has anyone heard any good jokes?
Like- My dog has no nose....... how does he smell?
Terrible!

Two guys from Daniels County are sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Bill says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."

Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

A man with no arms or legs is sitting on the beach when three girls aproach him. Feeling sorry for him the first girl asks "have you ever been hugged?" he replies "no" so she hugs him. The second girl asks " have you ever been kissed?" the man replies "no" so she kisses him.
The third girl asks "have you ever been screwed" the man thinks its his lucky day and replies "no" the girl says " you will be when the tide comes in!!!" and walks off.

here are two I heard recently...


One man limps along the sidewalk, then another man comes towards him also limping...the first man looks at the other and says "Grenade...Vietnam war", the other man looks at him and says "Dog shit down the street"




One man dies and wakes up and doesn't know where he is, he asks someone and he tells him he is in hell. The man freaks out and goes off like damn I shouldn't have lied to so and so or stolen this and that. The man tells him don't worry hell is not what you think it is, it's not a bad place.

He asks him, "you smoke weed?" ..the man responds "yes here and there"
He tells him every Monday we have this thing where we all get together and smoke as much as we want and nothing can happen cause we dead and we have a blast.

He asks him, "you like drinking?"..the man responds "yeah, once in a while"
He tells him every Thursdays they get together and drink all they want and get drunk but doesn't hurt them cause they already dead.

then he asks him, "You gay, right?"...the man responds "HELL NO"
the man tells him, "then you not gonna like Fridays."

One old lady died in her childhood.

LAME

That was the funniest joke I have ever heard!

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, without underwear or a bra. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!"

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

LOL Good one! i would have failed the test becuz i don't keep condom in my car.

Thanks man!

I dont know what is the problem with icassams; if he dosent like good quality jokes than go smoke some weed or something.

one man who is high went to the court to have his baby because his ex wife wants to raise the baby..he said to the judge..your honor by logic who takes the baby now...logically speaking your honor..if you put a coin in the a cock machine who takes the soda you or the machine??????guess the answer

After carefully reading this several times, i kindly ask, WTF did you just say?

I saw your mom holding a big, and I asked "Hey, where did you get that?!" The pig replies, "I won her in a raffle."

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't
think there's a lot they don't know. Women want to learn. Men
think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"
- Jerry Seinfeld